Ex-Gay Watch

Ex-Gay Watch
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January 20, 2006
Celibate Gay Man Eyes 'Brokeback' with Skepticism
By Mike Airhart

Readers who tire of imaginative Exodus propaganda about Brokeback Mountain are invited to read David Ben-Ariel's commentary, Brokeback Mountain Blues: Thoughts of a celibate, gay Christian. Ariel's analysis is antigay (as I define the term) but his observations are practical and rooted in the content of the movie, not in sloppy political stuntwork.

I've watched Oprah have men on her program who have been heterosexually married for years, with children, who suddenly "discovered" they were gay, and in "finding themselves," lost their wife and children. What about the commitment to their marriage they made before both God and man? I don't care if you're gay or straight, if you make a vow you should keep it! Why make victims of the truly innocent wife and children who didn't ask for it? Of course some will say they're all victims, and that's true to an extent, but even if someone has "feelings" they should control them or nip wrong thoughts in the bud — not permit them to take root and grow.
True, some people who suffer from a compulsive or unhealthy behavior should develop self-control. And people who have made solemn covenants with other people must take their responsibilities seriously. But this is a point that gay people have made as well.

Mr. Ben-Ariel also asks:


Why do some find it fascinating for a man to cheat on his wife with another man, but would stone someone who was going through his "midlife crisis" sleeping around with younger women to prove some point to himself?
Good question. But Mr. Ben-Ariel's column prompts me to ask two related questions:

Why do some find it fascinating for a man to cheat with another woman, but stone a gay married man or a movie about that man?
Marital cheating is wrong. But what about the remaining choice to be made by the couple -- between honest and upfront divorce, and a marriage with little or no sexual attraction or activity?
Mr. Ben-Ariel's commentary may not be gay-affirming, but it assesses the movie for what it is and asks some relevant questions.

Hat tip: David Ben-Ariel. Conclusion slightly revised.

Posted at January 20, 2006 01:50 AM

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Responses
Mike,

I am editor of the UPI Religion & Spirituality Forum, which makes me the one who receives and marks up for publication, David Ben-Ariel's columns.

The issue of a person struggling with their sexual identity interests me, although I don't see David as struggling with homosexuality as much as he is struggling with his sexual purity, as called for by his religion. His situation is somewhat similar to a hetero man struggling to remain pure to his wife in the face of the world's temptations, although I do recognize that being gay puts the problem in rather different territory.

This is not to say that he doesn't also struggle with the presence in him of homosexuality itself. He is a Christian (a Christian Zionist to be exact, which adds whole dimensions of complexity to his worldview, but that's another story). And as as Christian, he has to also deal with the Bible's admonitions against homosexuality, which judge him for his feelings even if not acted upon. A hetero who fights temptation is noble, whereas a gay has access to plenty of guilt just for existing with gay urges.

It's not easy being David Ben-Ariel.

Of course some Christians see the Bible as not in opposition to homosexuality. My heart goes out to anyone who honestly and open struggles with issues as personally foundational as the ones David faces -- issues complicated by HIV, which he wrote about in his first column for us.

As he spills his guts out for the world to examine, his writing becomes a Rorschach for each reader. In that sense, for what he contributes to the ongoing discussion, his suffering can perhaps help others.

This my first ever visit to your site. Thank you.

rgds,
Larry Moffitt
Editor
UPI Religion & Spirituality Forum